Marriage is wonderful...but not what I expected.

I feel like this statement sums up how I feel lately. I would hazard a guess that I'm not the only who came upon that realization shortly after slipping the wedding rings on for good. Before we were married, I had a picture in my head of how things would be. I saw things like spending sunday afternoons playing frisbee in the park, as sunlight dappled our hair through the leaves (of the huge oak trees we were playing under, duh!). I saw us doing devotions every night, together, growing in love for God with each other. I saw our apartment as a happy place to come home to after a day's work, me sewing things and Mark reading on the couch.

In reality, there are no safe parks near our condo for miles and miles. We're exhausted after work most nights, so instead of taking up self-improving hobbies like sewing, or developing our love for God, we end up collapsing on the couch with dinner, making lunches for the next day, and falling into bed with, at best a kiss or two before Mark starts cocooning into sleep. Hello, rude awakening.

Before all this transpired, we both thought we had prepared fully for the partnership we were about to enter. Due to the long distance relationship, we had spent loads of time on the phone each night, scouring the internet for questions to ask each other.

"Did we already talk about our confrontation styles?"

"I think so. Did I ask you what your favorite Christmas tradition was growing up?"

"Uh, yeah, we just talked about that a couple nights ago."

"Oh"

"What do you want to talk about?"

" I don't have anything."

"Me neither."

"......."

It went on like this until we hit pre-marital counseling through our wonderful, Christ-following, very Bible-based church. We were so excited to have more to talk about until we got to our mentor couple's home and realized immediately that we already knew all of these questions. In fact, we knew them so well we could actually answer for the other person...

Seeking more counsel from our parents proved to bring up no questions we hadn't already discussed with each other, and since we both immediately fit in with our respective "in-laws", it didn't provide much fodder for conversation or confrontation.

Then we got married. The honeymoon was wonderful, full of sun, relaxation, and all the picture-perfect moments I'd always imagined. Already, however, cracks were beginning to form in the unmarred surface of our relationship. I remember stalking down the beach back to the house after a stupid disagreement with Mark, one that had begun because I wanted to take a picture of our names drawn in the sand, and felt he wasn't enthusiastic enough about the idea. I quickly learned that I didn't like annoyed Mark,and he quickly learned that one of the ways I deal with confrontation is to run. On the fight or flight scale, I am fully flight.

These things were just the beginning of the realization that although we both believed we were perfect for each other, that didn't mean either of us were perfect. This is a great thing for couples to realize BEFORE they start living together. If you think your guy walks on air and can do no wrong, wait until it's three in the morning, you're still awake, and want to talk and he's snoring like a lumberjack. If you can't imagine your future wife doing something that could possibly be anything other than adorable, wait until she starts to re-organize your stuff on moving in together.

You can try to prepare in a million ways, but if you don't consciously realize before the wedding that both of you are going to let the other down, you'll be in for a shock. The good news is, as I said above, that even if you're both imperfect people, you can still be perfect for each other.

I'm still alive

This weekend, my parents and I came down to Chicago to visit Mark and usher a BlueMan Group show. My parents don't get a chance to leave work and home super often, so it was really exciting to have them for the whole weekend. We got all dolled up in our matching outfits of white shirts and black pants and headed downtown. We looked like a herd of waiters who escaped from a restaurant, either that or a group of Jehovah's Witnesses. My parents surprised me and did a great job of getting people to their seat, handing out programs and generally entertaining people with their seemingly unrelated questions (oh wait, that was just my dad;)) We watched the show, and then after a quick change, went to Giordano's for a delightful slice of stuffed pizza. Holy cow, it was good! We finished the pizza fest and headed home to bed. What a great day!

So, the last few months have been some of the most stressful in terms of wedding activity so far. I was thinking about it comparatively to the Epic days, and realized how on my most stressed day now, I'm about 1/10 as stressed as I was at Epic. These thoughts came about because of the sermon we listened to today at our possible future church, Calvary Memorial in Forest Park. It was the story of Ruth and how she chose to seize the opportunity provided to her by God. She made a decision and left the results with God. It felt like an analogy for my life this year. God gave me the opportunity to go to Mexico this summer. I was stressed with work and felt like I had too much on my plate. For some reason, I still felt compelled to go. I did, and met Mark. Then, I had a slightly scary opportunity to leave Epic. As frightening as it was, and despite my lack of understanding why I felt I needed to leave and move to CFACT, I did. It turned out to be the best decision I could have made. So, it was really encouraging today to be reminded of the beauty of making a Godly decision and just trusting that He'll use your obedience to further His purpose for you. I don't believe that making a decision you think is Godly will always end up going exactly as you hoped, but at the very least you know that choosing obedience is taking a step toward God. His purpose, while not always matching our limited view for our lives, will be carried out, and is always, despite short term events, the best thing for us and for His glory.

After that thought-provoking sermon, my family (Mom, Dad and Mark!) sat down at Cosi to enjoy lunch and then headed north. We had an amazing weekend, and once again, I'm reminded of how much I have to be thankful for.

Wow

So, when I made that last post in October 2005, I didn't realize it would be a year and a half before the next one. My life is completely different, and completely wonderful. God has been working on me, giving me back joy in life. The most significant change is that I am now engaged to the perfect man for me. His name is Mark, and in God's grace, he loves me as much as I love him, despite both our sets of imperfections. We'll be married three months and three days from now in Madison, and then move BACK to Chicago, a place I was sure I'd never live in again. I am SO excited for the next few months, finishing up planning for the wedding and enjoying my last bit of time as Larissa Moyer. Last weekend, Mark and I visited Beth in Stevens Point to watch her do her thing at CRU. She was fantastic and our time together, as usual, was filled with laughter. She is a bright spot in my life! We braved a snowstorm to get there, and then another to get back to Madison the next day. In the process, I came down with a cold, and had to be coddled back to health by Mark, who was on spring break. He's back in Chicago for another week of school now. Poor him! So, those are the updates. I'll be better this time around. I think. On a related note, it might seem weird for me to leave my old post up, but it's part of how I got here, and I like to remember those things, so I can be encouraged by how far I've come.