I feel like this statement sums up how I feel lately. I would hazard a guess that I'm not the only who came upon that realization shortly after slipping the wedding rings on for good. Before we were married, I had a picture in my head of how things would be. I saw things like spending sunday afternoons playing frisbee in the park, as sunlight dappled our hair through the leaves (of the huge oak trees we were playing under, duh!). I saw us doing devotions every night, together, growing in love for God with each other. I saw our apartment as a happy place to come home to after a day's work, me sewing things and Mark reading on the couch.
In reality, there are no safe parks near our condo for miles and miles. We're exhausted after work most nights, so instead of taking up self-improving hobbies like sewing, or developing our love for God, we end up collapsing on the couch with dinner, making lunches for the next day, and falling into bed with, at best a kiss or two before Mark starts cocooning into sleep. Hello, rude awakening.
Before all this transpired, we both thought we had prepared fully for the partnership we were about to enter. Due to the long distance relationship, we had spent loads of time on the phone each night, scouring the internet for questions to ask each other.
"Did we already talk about our confrontation styles?"
"I think so. Did I ask you what your favorite Christmas tradition was growing up?"
"Uh, yeah, we just talked about that a couple nights ago."
"Oh"
"What do you want to talk about?"
" I don't have anything."
"Me neither."
"......."
It went on like this until we hit pre-marital counseling through our wonderful, Christ-following, very Bible-based church. We were so excited to have more to talk about until we got to our mentor couple's home and realized immediately that we already knew all of these questions. In fact, we knew them so well we could actually answer for the other person...
Seeking more counsel from our parents proved to bring up no questions we hadn't already discussed with each other, and since we both immediately fit in with our respective "in-laws", it didn't provide much fodder for conversation or confrontation.
Then we got married. The honeymoon was wonderful, full of sun, relaxation, and all the picture-perfect moments I'd always imagined. Already, however, cracks were beginning to form in the unmarred surface of our relationship. I remember stalking down the beach back to the house after a stupid disagreement with Mark, one that had begun because I wanted to take a picture of our names drawn in the sand, and felt he wasn't enthusiastic enough about the idea. I quickly learned that I didn't like annoyed Mark,and he quickly learned that one of the ways I deal with confrontation is to run. On the fight or flight scale, I am fully flight.
These things were just the beginning of the realization that although we both believed we were perfect for each other, that didn't mean either of us were perfect. This is a great thing for couples to realize BEFORE they start living together. If you think your guy walks on air and can do no wrong, wait until it's three in the morning, you're still awake, and want to talk and he's snoring like a lumberjack. If you can't imagine your future wife doing something that could possibly be anything other than adorable, wait until she starts to re-organize your stuff on moving in together.
You can try to prepare in a million ways, but if you don't consciously realize before the wedding that both of you are going to let the other down, you'll be in for a shock. The good news is, as I said above, that even if you're both imperfect people, you can still be perfect for each other.
