3 days

I'm officially 3 days away from having our little girl, of course, barring any early labor. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone and how different it's been in every way. I've now been pregnant and growing for almost 2 months longer than I was with Dane. I feel huge. I feel tired. And most of all, I feel worried that I won't be able to give two kids what I need to, and was able to up to this point with Dane. I can't imagine what it will be like when I'm not able to give him my full attention when he needs it. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt at cutting his time as my only baby so short, especially when he seems to be entering an age of heightened awareness and neediness. I will miss our quiet mornings and evening book reading together. I tear up when I think about having to share my love with another child, like I'm taking something from him. Everyone I've spoken to says it will turn out great, that being so close in age will make our kiddos best friends, closer than they could be if they were further apart. I realize that they will have to share so many things, and am trying to keep my mind on the positive. It's so hard when my emotions are already experiencing crazy highs and lows.

Dane will always be my first baby, and I have an irrational fear that I'll never be able to love a girl the same way. I do remember having similar thoughts before Dane arrived, thinking that I didn't know how I could love a person I'd never met. All I can say is that I love him more than I knew possible. In a completely different way than I've loved before, but in a way that is almost more powerful and consuming. I have to believe that the same will be true with our new little song. Despite having no plan for how quickly our family grew, both Mark and I think that God let it happen this way for a reason. She's going to be an amazing new blessing and we look forward to meeting our fourth soon.